Just pondering…

Raison d’être was a high school vocabulary word more commonly used in English than French. In French it means reason for being and in English: the justification for one’s existence.
What was my purpose? What was my justification for being here? The answer came when I was interrupted from my homework by my sister. This happened routinely. I’d come home from school after having basketball practice and I’d be greeted by my enthusiastic 27 year-old sister. “Wanna play with Legos? Wanna watch X-Men?” If you’re thinking that these aren’t normal questions that a 27 year-old asks her 18 year-old sister, you’re right. They are not normal. But neither is Lauren. She has Asperger’s Syndrome. She has this sort of happiness that is contagious to the sight and you just feel special around her. I remember the first time she held my hand of her own accord. She was 24 and my grandfather had just died. She did not say a word. She did not look sad. To this day I still don’t know if she comprehended his death the way we did, but she felt my sadness and clasped my hand.
It is watching her growing up; watching her learn the things that I have learned; watching her become an adult. It is the lessons that she teaches me that comprise my raison d’être. She is the justification for my existence. Without her, I am just a girl. With her, I am a sister, friend, and teacher. I am loved.