Just pondering…

Raison d’ĂȘtre was a high school vocabulary word more commonly used in English than French. In French it means reason for being and in English: the justification for one’s existence.
What was my purpose? What was my justification for being here? The answer came when I was interrupted from my homework by my sister. This happened routinely. I’d come home from school after having basketball practice and I’d be greeted by my enthusiastic 27 year-old sister. “Wanna play with Legos? Wanna watch X-Men?” If you’re thinking that these aren’t normal questions that a 27 year-old asks her 18 year-old sister, you’re right. They are not normal. But neither is Lauren. She has Asperger’s Syndrome. She has this sort of happiness that is contagious to the sight and you just feel special around her. I remember the first time she held my hand of her own accord. She was 24 and my grandfather had just died. She did not say a word. She did not look sad. To this day I still don’t know if she comprehended his death the way we did, but she felt my sadness and clasped my hand.
It is watching her growing up; watching her learn the things that I have learned; watching her become an adult. It is the lessons that she teaches me that comprise my raison d’ĂȘtre. She is the justification for my existence. Without her, I am just a girl. With her, I am a sister, friend, and teacher. I am loved.


It’s Been Awhile…

Amidst midterms, my first peek into the dating world (just a peek), and crew practice I haven’t found time to update all of you (at the same time) about my whereabouts, my happenings, my blunders, my ailments, and my adventures.
So you’re probably wondering, “Oh, my God… Lindsay got a boyfriend?”
–Negative. I went on a few dates with a guy. He was really nice to me. But no deep connection. At all. It was his move to call things off. A rather funny story. We were walking the block home from the music building to our separate establishments (conveniently 20 yards from each other) and he randomly blurts out “I don’t think this.. we… are working out.” In my head (this may seem harsh, but it’s humorous) I laughed. Out loud all I said was “Okay” in a rather chipper voice. Weird. Had someone told me two days prior to this I would have been like, WHAT? BUT EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL. Well, Lindsay, if by “everything is going so well” you mean “he makes time for you when HE can and told you to play the silent game at lunch just to see what it was like when you weren’t talking all the time (like you were born doing)” then… yes. It WAS going well.
We all know that’s not ideal.
Not for me. No way, no how.
So the funny part is that his timing was ridiculous; why not wait until we’re on the corner, at which point we could go our separate ways? To make the awkwardness even more awkward (it’s my job) he did say he wanted to still be friends, to which I replied “No…” and paused for a few seconds while I caught his eye… and then I said “Just kidding… I think we can work something out.” I’m so odd. Who does that? (Me).
That was basically October.

In the meantime I’ve been working out TONS with my crew team… I’m in love with it. Them. Everything about it. My muscles are getting manly (thanks for the musculature genes, Dad *wink*).

My jeans are fitting better. My work ethic is intense! And I’ve also been making money working 11.5 hours a week at our dining hall on campus. Basically I’ve gotten pretty decent at time management. (Decent) (Still not great).

For Halloween, I was Pikachu. It was probably the cutest costume I’ve been since I was a tiger (with expert face paint done by Momma).

We had a crew retreat to an island near by (there’s SO many!) and it was the night I realized why I love crew: It’s a team that cares about you, not because they have to, but because they genuinely want to. I haven’t gotten that sense of team in a long time.

I got homesick for my best friends, so I’ve been making phone calls more often to see how they have been. They’re all doing well. Our lives are simple, yet complicated. Boring, yet filled with endless fun. Amazing, yet understated. And beautiful, even though we complain.
We all share one thing in common. We respect who we are and who made us that way.
(I guess we share more than that, but I felt like it needed to be placed on a pedestal.)

Anyways, Mom, Dad, and Lauren are going to meet me (and my friend Kristin) in Medford, Oregon (Southern Oregon) for Thanksgiving at Uncle Tom’s farm. (Yeah, epic: I have an Uncle Tom AND he has a farm). I’m super excited to see them. Words can’t describe my appreciation for them. I guess when I get rich and famous (hah) I’ll just buy them something really expensive.
Or keeping with tradition, I’ll make them a hand made card with a heart-felt note. I haven’t decided yet. =]

Well, I must be off now; I’ve a paper to write, food to eat, and a sun to watch set.

Un abrazo fuerte,

La chica que le gusta (the girl who likes)

p.s. I might become a Spanish (double) major? (with Communication Studies)
WOW. =]