Why I Write

I noticed I haven’t written on my blog in about a year. I don’t know if I’ve always known this but it became clear to me the other day: I write to help me move past something. I write when I’ve come out of a depression. Or a stressful situation. Or a long journey.


I don’t write when things are good. I write when I’ve come out on the other end of a learning experience.

Today, however, life is good. It has been good.

Last summer I married my best friend. Last summer we said our “I do”s on a cloudy, rainy, perfect Pacific Northwest day. Last summer moat of the “I”s became “We”s.

… and this summer, we’re having a baby.

Like I said. Life has been good. Not the kind of good that makes you look around the corner waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just the kind of good that when you step back for a minute, you smile. I like that. I like being able to share our joys with our friends and family and have them smile too.

But it wasn’t all sunshine. Nope. The clouds were real. We got pregnant in July and then we cried in August. I went off my meds in “preparation” for a successful pregnancy (but really it was more so stubbornness and impatience) and was probably the worst human being to be around (dramatic, but I’m pretty sure Brian is a Saint for putting up with my mood swings, my short temper, and my extra vulnerable feelings.)

I like talking about meds because I was and am one of those people who believes that a good disposition and the right attitude can bring you out of a funk… yet I know full well that sometimes your brain chemistry fights every ounce of energy you devote to that end.

So, I want you to know Zoloft is my friend. We are 20 weeks along and I’m the most happy and level headed I’ve ever been, despite the hormones that are raging internally.

This baby has been great. I joke to people that “I should do this more often” as this is the best I’ve felt, since I have no migraines, no period, and I’ve had no terribly negative pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness.

The jeans are not quite fitting; a few of my dresses are too tight in the chest; and maternity pants are amazing. That’s how I know my world is changing. In another 20 weeks (more or less) my world will definitely be changed.

While we’ve had it easy, we know it will be hard. We will probably fight about things like swaddling methods, diaper changing, and whose turn it is to get up. We will probably not sleep. We will probably be in over our heads.

We will probably love every minute of it. When I met Brian, I knew he could deal with my crazy. I knew he was in it for the long haul. And we’ve since grown to look together in the same direction.

We will probably need all the help we can get, but we are probably going to be okay. That will be our new happy: figuring out life with Owen.

And that’s why life is good.